It only took me 6 years to do it "right"...

the last photo of my right foot, one hour before surgery... 

On October 20, 2020 I had my 3rd bunionectomy. With my last experience(s) in 2014 being a disaster, it took me years to get up the courage to do the surgery on my right side. My bunion on my right foot had really progressed in that time. My big toe was pushing pretty strong on my other toes and was starting to cause quite a bit of discomfort. The dull pain had begun to shift to the right side of my right foot, underneath my smaller toes. This is a result of my gait shifting to accomodate the bunion. Knowing full well that this would turn into a much bigger issue and certainly a more extensive surgery - I made the appointment for the procedure back in 2019. 

My feelings going into this surgery differed greatly from my first two. Firstly, I had 100% faith in the ability of my surgeon. Although this eased a bit of my anxiety, I knew the right foot would be much more difficult to recover from- even though I sustained two surgeries on my left foot as a result of a botched first surgery. I was absolutely correct. This surgery has been a test to my mental and physical well being in so many ways. On top of the uncertainty and abnormal year we have had already, this was the cherry on my sundae. This is my adventure with a full Lapidus procedure on my right foot. I have documented everything with photos and journals, all for you to read and see...

Maybe It's Growing On Me

I have yet to have surgery on my right foot. I'm 43, very active and I just cannot bear to think about doing my other foot and potentially having complications like my first surgery. My issues have become that of balance and proper gait.

I do quite a bit of running, strength training and hiking. I was a swimmer and water polo player in my younger life - which would be so much better for my feet, but the havoc chlorine wreaked on my skin and my hair no longer entices me. I pay entirely too much to keep those things in great shape and I'd like to keep it that way.

 When I strength train or do yoga especially, my balance is almost completely shifted off my surgery location - still. I don't have pain there, other than the occasional arthritic bother. It's more like I'm just used to keeping weight off that part of my foot after all the trauma and so it has remained that way. This causes quite a bit of imbalance when I'm doing any sort of balance activity and my concern is that over time this will cause significant issues with my lower back, spine and overall stability.

I'm not sure that a surgery on my right foot would remedy this. I've begun to think it's just par for the course... speaking of, my weight shift in golf is greatly affected as well. My solution to this has just been to continue wearing my favorite Birkenstocks or my Vionic flip-flops. I don't wear heels often, since I'm 5'10", so that's good. I have considered more of a minimalist shoe for working out or running, like Xero shoes or something similar. 

I'm curious if any of you have tried these and have input on them. One day I will get around to fixing the other foot. It will be dependent on finding a doctor here in San Diego that I trust and who has a LOT of experience. After all, they're just "practicing" surgeons. 

long awaited update...

It's been a long time since I last posted my adventures in bunions. This is because after two grueling surgeries on the same foot, I have yet to schedule my right foot. My first surgery (done by a podiatrist) was a complete and utter disaster. After it had not healed completely for more than 15 weeks of nearly no pressure - my hardware was pushing through the top of my foot. As it turned out, he had put in a 2inch plate and 6 screws to fuse my foot. My bunion was still showing and began to be more pronounced week after week. I went to see an OS to have the second surgery done just two weeks after full recovery. She removed all hardware, shaved more of the bone and inserted two simple screws. Had I gone to her in the first place, I would have been very pleased and most likely would have already gone through with the surgery on my right foot. I plan to have my 3rd surgery (right foot) done at the end of this summer.

WEEK 6

Two more weeks in my boot... yay! I had a setback at 4 weeks when my bandages were removed. A good portion of my lower incision was moist and not healing well. Dr. Dreeben was quick to get me on another round of antibiotics, to avoid any sort of infection. The oozing had me a bit worried, but at my last check in this past week - healing was great.

This surgery recovery has been tremendously different than my first awful experience. Firstly,  I have been able to put weight on my foot in a surgical boot from nearly day one. This has made a big improvement in my overall morale and activity level. Although I am still limited to floor exercises, stationary bike (boring), abs and arms - I feel generally more active just being able to walk. Dr. Dreeben has also been very different about incision healing. My bandages are still on. She changes them every week and cleans my foot, before re-wrapping and taping my foot.

I asked her when the bandages come off and she does not take them off until completely healed. I have to say, my incisions look much lighter and much better than my previous incisions. I think keeping them covered has been great for the healing process. Last surgery I had my bandages off much sooner and was getting my foot wet, even with part of the crust still intact (gross).

8 weeks is ideal time for bone healing. This is the magic number for bone surgery... sometimes longer, usually not less. Once my boot is off at 8 weeks, I will go directly into a normal shoe. This could be a running shoe or a wedge - depending on what my comfort level is. Much to my husband's dismay - this will probably mean a Birkenstock.

The Unveiling - graphic image

Hoorah! My bandages were changed yesterday and I was able to see my foot. I had to have my husband take a photo and show me after we left the office, so as not to faint.

If you see closely there are 3 incisions. One is directly on top of my previous incision, where my surgeon went in and correctly repaired the bunion and removed the hardware. The second is below the main incision - where she rotated the bone and properly aligned it before inserting ONE screw. The third incision is between my big toe and the toe next to it, this is where she cut the tendon that pulls constantly on my big toe. Because of the strength of that tendon, it should have been severed in my first surgery - but my less than competent surgeon Dr. Keenan Carreiro, never even mentioned it.

Overall there are more cuts this time, but the swelling is almost non-existent. I am almost 100% off my crutches, except for at night if I have been on my feet all day - I will use one crutch to take some pressure off. My recovery has been like night and day. It is so obvious to me now, that my first surgery was a complete and utter fail.

One more week and I will have another check up and another x-ray. So far, I could not be happier.

xo

how to mange parenting and a puppy on one leg and percocet...

I forgot how fun this was! My surgery was on Monday. My husband took me in at 12:30 and my surgery began at 3:15pm. One of the most difficult parts was not being able to drink or eat anything from midnight on. I am a habitual water drinker, even in them middle of the night - so this was torture. The rest went as expected. Anesthesia went seamlessly, and I was pretty coherent and back home by 5:30. The first evening is always a blur. My Mom was here to help us, and I had sent my boys to their Grandpa's house for one night so I could just rest and not worry about keeping them in line.

Tuesday morning was a whole different story. My Dad, who rarely has the kids alone - dropped off both boys at 10am. My husband was at work, girls were not out of bed yet and the boys come running through the house. My Dad sees my condition and hands me a bag with the two small pills that my Asperger's/ADHD 8 year old must take upon waking up each morning and says... "he didn't want to take them." Really?

For the next half an hour until his medicine begins to work, both boys are bouncing off the walls and it's a near panic situation. My foot was throbbing and I was in sweats from my percocet. Kindle to the rescue.

We have such issues with rules in regards to video games in our home. I am very strict about the amount of time they are allowed to play. Part of this is just making sure that they remain able to socialize with people and have manners and self-control. The other part is because of the detachment issues associated with my son's Asperger's. He has an extremely hard time with transition. This is normal Aspergers behavior and sometimes common with kids, period. Often when he is too involved in a game and we ask him to stop - it's meltdown mode. His reaction can fluctuate between calmly handing over the remote, or throwing it at your head.

On a morning like this one, I was willing to let him play until his eyes bled.

My surgeon removed all the hardware that was put in from my surgery last January. I had a large plate and 3 screws. One of the screws was already backing out and causing pressure and bruising. It was very close to coming through the skin. She cleaned up the mess made by  Dr. Carreiro and left me with a smaller incision area, one screw and hopefully a much cleaner and smaller scar (she mentioned that he had done a hack job to begin with.) I feel so thankful to have a good surgeon. I should have gone with her in the first place, but hindsight...

This time around I received an orthopedic shoe. My husband thinks it looks like a 4x4 Teva. I despise Teva shoes, but I do agree this is more sporty than the astro-boot I had to wear last time. I am using crutches sparingly to get around and I am already putting pressure on my heel... as opposed to having to wait 6 weeks to do so before. Everything about this surgery feels better. By my next surgery on the right foot, I will be a seasoned professional.

My dressing will come off on Monday, one week from my surgery date. I cannot change the dressing or get it wet at all. I have managed to take two showers on my own and have found that dry shampoo, as awesome as it is... will never take the place of a good hot shower - even with a bag on your foot.

until Monday, when I can reveal the goods...

b.

Goodbye Again

The beauty of insurance requirements has pushed my 2nd surgery on my left foot up to December 29th. Within the last few months my hardware has given me a significant amount of difficulty. The bottom screw has backed it's way out and is putting pressure on my skin, causing a bruise. Although I am managing to get some occasional runs in, there is noticeable pain and discomfort. Not to mention I still have a fat bunion.

My hardware removal and 2nd bunionectomy attempt are with a new surgeon (duh), who has operated on my Mom multiple times, and is highly regarded in her field. I made a huge mistake by not going to her in the first place, but I have faith she will get these two feet where they need to be.

My husband is looking forward to me wearing shoes other than Birkenstocks and Asics... until next week, when my percocet induced posts begin!

cheers and Merry Christmas
xo

Scar Tissue

Since the shock and frustration of the outcome of my surgery, I am left to either dwell on it or move on. I am thankful that I am almost back to running and full activity. Though my shoe selection is somewhat bleak, a glass of wine and some wedges work well together.

From the get-go I was concerned about my incision scar. My doctor (ahem) assured me that he would stitch me in a way that blended well with the contour of my foot and that I would heal quickly and eventually not see the scar. For anyone who knows me well, and understands how obsessed I am with product and product knowledge - you can imagine my determination in making this scar disappear. Since my stitches were out, I have used coconut oil almost daily - as well as incorporating Mederma PM before bed and I have been overly diligent about putting at least an spf 50 on it every day, regardless of my sun exposure.

Currently I am not thrilled with my scar. It seems to be quite dark and slightly keloid at the location of my hardware (which will be taken out in my correction surgery). I do my best to massage the scar every other day with bio-oil or arnica. I am still bummed. My new surgeon has commented on what a poor job my previous doctor did with sewing me up. Even though I felt like "Frankenfoot" after my surgery - I had no idea the residual markings would be so defined.

In short, here are the things I would suggest to anyone in recovery and wondering about scarring, shoes, etc...

• Massage your incision area with coconut oil daily (after it is fully healed)
• alternate with bio-oil
• PROMISE ME you will use SPF daily. Sun exposure will darken a scar and make it permanent. Enough said.
• Do tons of toe stretching and massage
• Mederma PM is great, their other products I cannot attest to, as I have not tried them
• Embrace colorful Birkenstocks
• Check out Fit Flops
• Be patient
• Walk as much as possible, test your boundaries

xo

It's Back

There is a very solid reason why I haven't posted in weeks. Part pride, part denial, but mostly disbelief. My left bunion has returned. No, I'm not kidding. This is a recent pic...

After a brief period of depression, followed quickly by anger - I will share my experience.

A couple weeks after getting my boot off, it looked like my big toe was beginning to drift back over to the left, while my metatarsal bone appeared to be pushing it's way out again. I spent days staring at my foot and showing it to my husband. He, being the supportive and completely awesome guy that he is, wanted to make me feel confident that it was fine and was most likely a result of swelling. He was only able to hold that position for a few hours, before my obsession of bunion photos, texts and emails made him snap. He knew it was true, the fucking bunion was coming back.

A hellish surgery, weeks of post-op recovery, inability to run with my kids, golf, or even walk - has been in vain. I am crushed. I went to see my surgeon at the 9 week post op mark to show him what was happening. For a man who assured me of his expertise on bunionectomy surgery, and who was adamant about me opting to have the most invasive of the bunion surgery options - for fear of under-correction... his response to what was occurring did not sit well with me. His first response was "That's not a bunion, it's very normal for your big toe to try and find your other toes." WTF? Does he think this is magic? Did my big toe feel lonely? If it's so normal, why don't we all have bunions? More importantly, why the hell did you cut me open, cut bones and put hardware in my foot? His next response (somewhat less witty than the first) was that he had the option of doing an Akin procedure on top of the Open Base Wedge Osteotomy to make sure that it was straight - but that he didn't want to over-correct. So, rather than over-correct and have a "really straight" foot, I now have a bunion again. sweet.

He also instructed me to begin wearing a toe splint that keeps my big toe aligned. I am guessing he means the same non-surgical toe splints that he once told me don't work at all and that surgery was absolutely necessary. Dick. As if I would opt to have such a major surgery and then start wearing a brace all day. I knew that he had screwed up, and so did he. Good luck getting a doctor of any sort to admit fault. I decided to get two more opinions.

No surprise that the two opinions were the same. I saw two highly recommended orthopedic surgeons who focus on reconstruction and repair. Both said the same thing... my bunion was under-corrected and indeed, coming back. Not only did he fail to correct the bunion entirely, but the hardware he placed in my foot does not allow for a simple rotation of that bone to align the toe. In more simple terms, I have to have the surgery redone. You can imagine my joy.

I will be doing my right foot with a different surgeon this Summer as planned. The procedure she will do is invasive, but the recovery is much better and she will have me weight bearing slightly in the first couple of weeks. Once my right foot is finished, I can make the decision on redoing my left. There's a chance I may decide to live with the mistake, but chances are...

For the Summer, my stud of a husband will see me in pink BIRKENSTOCKS...  and even if I suck at golf, we are back on the course.

xo
mercergirl
www.kitchendanceparty.com

Boot's Off Bitches!!

Just returned home from my 7 week appointment. I went there with my left shoe in my hand, in hopes that I would be walking out with it on. Victory!! My x-rays looked great, and being the skin care specialist I am... I had not touched my scab. He took the liberty of pulling it off to reveal pink skin underneath and clean healing. This means I can start rubbing arnica on it and hopefully avoiding or minimizing any scarring.

Dr. C instructed me to start doing 50/50 boot and shoe. Nothing felt better than shoving my swollen club into that running shoe. He was surprised that I had gotten to this point in just 7 weeks, but I listened and followed his direction... and didn't push it. I could not be happier. From here I will start PT twice a week for four weeks. I have clearance to exercise on machines at the gym, as well as swimming. Slowly easing into walking and more rigorous activity.

I will see him again in four weeks, and most likely get my second surgery on the schedule for late Summer. As awful as this recovery was, today made it all worth while.

lipstick on my piggies...

As if being unable to walk isn't enough, healing has rendered my foot so gross. Not only do I have a crusty incision scab, but because of all the trauma to the foot and skin by the surgery, what skin I do have is either bruised or peeling off. It's pretty.

In an attempt to make myself and those around me less appalled, I decided to paint my toenails today. I used my favorite Butter polish and sat on the patio for a moment of pampering. I have to say that even though this may not be the best shade (skin colored stuff is apparently in style), it does make a difference in how I feel about my current foot situation. 

At this point I have little to no pain, hate my boot and am scared to death to put weight on my foot. I have spent hours on my main blog, groomed my eyebrows to perfection and mastered hopping on one foot... all which are very important in their own ways - but I am counting the days until I can put these walking contraptions on the shelf and get back to my somewhat normal life.

For any of you reading this that are planning your surgery, here are some good things to put on your "to do" list...

xo

bree mercer james

• Invest in a hands free crutch
• Make sure you have a great basket next to your area of rest (couch or bed) to fill with all you may need.
• face wipes
• body wipes
• deodorant
• magnifying mirror
• tweezers
• cuticle nippers and cuticle oil
• lip gloss or lip moisturizer
• any and all medications
• magazines/books/kindle
• writing pad
• various serums and moisturizers
• aquaphor
• qtips and kleenex
• phone/laptop and chargers
• if you knit or make jewelry, have a stash
• hair brush
• dry shampoo
• patience...

nothing like a wet wound

Happy Tuesday. I am forcing myself to use proper capitalization for the success of my main blog, so bear with me. Yesterday was my 3 week check up and x-rays at CORE. I have essentially been on pause since my last appointment two weeks ago. Dr. C told me yesterday that recovery is very slow in the beginning and then seems to just take off. I am ready to take off. Some folks go nuts after a day, it took me a few weeks... but I have arrived. Although I am convinced that the reason my ass hasn't doubled in size is this heavy boot and peg leg marriage, it still isn't fun.

My x-rays looks great, bone is coming together and thank you to the cadaver for some fast growing stem cells! I got the okay to drive and I was even bestowed with a temporary handicapped pass to make sure I have enough room to get out of my car and I don't have to park in the back forty. Hello Coachella!!

My wound on the other hand, not so awesome. I was told the strips that covered my incision would dissolve in the shower. I have been showering every other day for two weeks now, without my boot... and the damn things didn't come off. Little did I understand that I could have pulled them off. I thought I had to leave them there until the bitter end. Hell knows what I would have done if I pulled them off and the skin came too. I thought they were best left alone... but I was wrong. The lower part of my incision was still kind of sticky (gross) and not healed all the way. Dr. C peeled them off (I had to look away) and then swabbed me up with iodine and more bandage. I get to remove all of this today to see my bare foot.

On the bright side, I have three more weeks until the boot can come off and I can start doing some physical therapy. This will be a total of 6 weeks in the boot. I welcome the first night of bootless sleep and possible some tummy time. This thing is a beast. I will most likely transition into a running shoe, and physical therapy will consist of teaching me how to walk again, literally. With hereditary bunions, one's gait is drastically impeded by the shape of the foot and deformity of the joint. I have been walking wrong for 20+ years, so now I get to learn. Keeping in mind that recovery starts to take off, I'm hoping that swimming, hiking, pilates and jimmy choo's follow closely.

when all else fails, rock the boot poolside.

xo
bree mercer james

finding motivation to go nowhere

almost 3 weeks post surgery (2/20) and i have become a huge fan of keeping my boot off for most the day while i am home. it's our week "off" of kids, so it's back to blogging, browsing the internet and occasionally getting some floor exercise in. my foot is much less swollen and i am able to shower without a boot, so my flabby little calf isn't hairy any more.

i can't say much for the condition of my toenails and my skin surrounding the incision, other than it seems to be getting better each day. a pedicure would do wonders, but my foot is still sensitive to touch... and really, who cares? not like anyone is going to notice my snazzy new Spring toe color when i'm pegging by on my leg with a giant space boot on. more importantly, i was able to take my boot off and put on my hudsons last night (they still fit) to go have fish tacos and margaritas. bliss.

my next doctor appointment is Monday. it's a waiting game until then. he will take xrays and determine how much longer i will most likely need to be in the walking boot. i am hoping for two more weeks, fingers crossed. putting any pressure on my foot is very challenging right now- mentally more than physically. i have not walked on it in so long and i have a lot of anxiety about putting weight on it. this should hopefully get easier in the near future and with physical therapy. i never thought i would look forward to dawning a swim cap and a speedo again, but i am holding my breath. more than likely i will be able to swim in the next four weeks and then gradually get back to more weight bearing exercise.

i am loving the look of my foot (see the comparison below *swelling aside) and very glad i had the surgery. tough to think about when i will have the next foot done, but at least we are all someone prepared for the chaos around here.

until monday.
xo

modern medicine

went to see dr. C yesterday and he removed my stitches. i was lucid enough in the early days of surgery to save a pain pill for the event. i have never had stitches, and had terrible anxiety over them being pulled out. the man took a half day at work and we drove over to the coast to CORE orthopedics. we got right in and were shown to a curtained room for stitch removal. Cesar rolled in and cut off my bandage (me wincing) and removed all the tape. there were only 11 stitches, but it looked like a lot more. removal was easy and doc said my healing progress is excellent. i was too squeamish to look down, so i had justin take a pic.

as you can see from the photo, the skin around the incision is really damaged from being kept under a bandage this long. girl gonna be doing some serious exfoliating in the near future. overall though, my foot looks amazing. having the stitches out feels like a huge step in my recovery, and seeing my new foot made me feel like this is worth the down time.

my procedure is called an "open base wedge osteotomy" . you can see an animated version of the surgery HERE .it is a newer procedure for bunions that has really only been perfected in the last couple years. in my metatarsal wedge, the doctor inserts a bone graph that he took from my bunion that was shaved off and then he adds stem cell to encourage bone growth and speed up healing. it's pretty amazing. i can say that choosing the right surgeon is absolutely the most important step in deciding upon surgery. don't choose the person who over promises and assures you that your recovery will be easy- because that's a lie. choose the person who is going to stay in that operating room until they see a perfect x-ray.

so it's day 12 today, stitches out and i will be able to get my foot wet in two more days. the boot will be my shoe of choice for 4 more weeks approximately, and then i will most likely graduate into a comfy running shoe. my pain is almost completely gone, aside from some swelling after being up and around a lot, it is insignificant.

i won't be running a marathon anytime soon, but i am pretty stoked on my new wheel.

xo

i got my hands back!

yesterday was a low point for me. i suppose one of the steps of recovery is regret, and i felt a bit regretful about this surgery yesterday. i have done all i can to keep my spirits up and look at the bright side, making sure i stay on the up and up. a girl needs a day though. as it turns, the ups man brought my hands free crutch. of course it showed up in a box that had multiple bags and potentially could require a tool box and a clearer head. luckily, it was no tools required and it assembled quite easily. i had some trouble with getting the straps just right- but once it was adjusted properly, i could get it on without too much hassle.

once it was strapped on, there was a bit of a learning curve. i used the walls to make sure i didn't fall. essentially the weight is all on my left (surgery) knee and shin and my foot is tucked behind me. being able to use both hands was such a liberating feeling. not to mention how much more comfortable it is. i'm not signing up for a half marathon anytime soon, but the hands free crutch allows me to cook, talk on the phone, do laundry, and just wander aimlessly around the house if i feel like it. it's genius. i used it most of the day today and imagine that by monday i will be cruising out in public with it. grocery shopping for the week on monday is now possible.

my pain meds are at a premium right now, as i am down to the last few. i know i want a couple for monday before i get stitches out. by looking at the size of my incision, i'm guessing that it's not going to be a fabulous experience. as much as taking the medication has it's downside...  i am not sure if there's going to be a refill at the end of that rainbow either. thank stars for advil. my husband was the first person to inform me about advil's incredible anti-inflammatory benefits. i had no idea, as i have never been injured or gone through surgery. i have learned that advil is quite magic. in cooperation with my pain medication, it has totally kept my foot from feeling as swollen and prevented a lot of the throbbing sensation, that is ultimately one of the most uncomfortable side effects of my recovery. i know there's a grip of reasons why advil may not be good for me, but i don't want to know.

it's a wild saturday night here. i took a nice shower with all my favorite lush products, we ordered greek takeout, and a good phillip seymour hoffman movie in the cue (RIP xo).

happy weekend.
xo

ding dong

there's nothing quite like hearing the doorbell ring, a package hit the mat and the ups man's footsteps... and NOT getting up to get the delivery. i am having a hard time coming to terms with only being able to use one foot, makes me feel so fortunate to have the use of my feet at all. this is no pity party, but i am really tired of yoga pants, the pulled muscle in my stomach from crutches, peeing in the middle of the night, night lights, sleeping with a wedge, this stupid boot, dry shampoo, face cleansing wipes, and the gorgeous view out my bedroom window. thankfully i was smart enough to blow the next egg on a killer new mattress pad, sheets and down comforter, or i would be in a world of hurt.

i have turned our bedroom into my home. i occasionally voyage out to the kitchen, but there's no food. i really want an egg right now, but the thought of hopping around and poaching eggs right now gives me a tick. i have put everything and anything i may need next to me, or very close by. if there's one thing i was not prepared for- it was how boring this would be and how i should have stocked the fridge with easy and healthy things to grab. as of now, our refrigerator is a sea of leftover takeout packages, thousands of salad dressings and an old bottle of bloody mary mix. even a bloody mary sounds awful. what a sad day. i would kill someone for a starbucks iced via.

luckily i get a visitor today. even if it's for an hour, she can laugh at me while i try my first few steps on my hands free crutch, and hopefully grab me a salad on her way over.

i am almost completely off my pain meds. I take only 20-30 mg a day, as opposed to almost 100mg a day in the beginning. i passed the one week mark from my surgery, and pain is pretty tolerable. I notice the pain if i am on my crutches too much, just because the swelling begins almost instantly. overall my foot feels fat and throbs near my incision. i can wiggle my other toes, and last night i moved my big toe on my own. my boot has stayed on the entire time though, i only unstrap the top to scratch and massage my leg... which is amazing.

i have been reading tons of different articles about bunionectomy recovery, and how long i will be in this boot. since my surgery was one of the most severe surgeries you can have for a bunionectomy, i won't be flossing in my tory burch wedges any time soon. the search for comfort shoes on zappos is depressing, and i will most likely be sporting cute running shoes with just about every outfit this season. fortunately i have sprinkled in plenty of floor exercise reading, beauty product reviews and health tips to feel like i could come out of this recovery and still have my wits about me.

photos and reviews of the first day on my hands free crutch to come.
xo

too bored to nap

i got a taste of the outside world last night, and it was sweet. since i had been cooped up a full six days, the guy and i got frisky. we began by a trip to the store to purchase the ingredients necessary for his amazing "skinny" (code word for more booze, less mix) margarita that i was craving and then over to the habit to pick up dinner. i even got out of the car and went into the habit- figured i better brush up on being in public. let's start with the habit. i love this place. my infatuation with the habit began years ago during college in santa barbara. this was before it had made it as far as san diego. even though i have only eaten three things off their menu after hundreds of visits, i can say that their veggie burger with swiss, avo and grilled onions is one of the best meals on the planet. it's simply amazing. whole wheat bun, good veggie patty (i love cow, so don't be confused), fresh romaine, tomato, sliced cucumber, creamy avo, salty grilled onions, cheese and some sinful sauce they put on it. i may as well have been eating out of a trough last night. so much for manners, i think my burger was done before my husband even unwrapped his food. classy. this was quite possibly the best meal i could have had on my first night out of the crib.

we followed the night with skinnies and a fire...  and potentially some percocet withdrawal sobbing and confusion, but then again- i am in recovery.

following my big night out, my foot hurts- but it's very tolerable. my boredom though, has totally set in. i don't remember the last time i was ever bored. it's not a word that has come up in my vocabulary in 10+ years. it's an oddly uncomfortable feeling to lay around. in attempt to keep myself from online shopping and having every tab on my computer open to beauty product retailers and clothing, i have been reading, writing, doing floor exercises (boot serves as a great ankle weight), etc.. bottom line is that it sucks not getting around. even with crutches, i cannot carry anything unless it's in my bag and i can't cook, clean, or get much done.

i originally thought i would rent a knee scooter. until i started looking at all the ads for them. let's just say that they are targeting a specific audience, usually female and usually with too many cats. the knee scooter just seems like giving up the fight all together and surrendering to my immobility. as awkward as crutches are, at least i am doing something to get around. i have issues with using something in the house that has a hand brake too. my kids may take advantage of that.

my search led me to the hands free crutch. surely, no contraption i end up with is going to look good. but if i can have the use of both hands and be standing upright- it's a win win. i placed my amazon prime order and that baby should be on my doorstep by friday. from the reviews, it looks like it may have a learning curve... so i will be sure to share my experience.

tonight may prove to be another riotous night out for us. more to come...

you may say i am a dreamer...

anyone who knows me well, knows that i have always been a vivid dreamer. my dreams have continued to become more realistic and more often as i have grown older. for the man i share a bed with, this can be entertaining, scary and adventurous... all in one night. i notice that food, drink, medication and any life change can drastically alter the frequency and intensity of my dreams. yesterday my doctor cut my percocet dose in half. although i feel much better because of it, the change was enough to really affect my sleep pattern, just as my knight in shining armor was saddling up for the battle.

my mom brought me home from the doctor around 3 and got me all situated before she had to get back to her life. damn her. she has helped us since the day before surgery, cooking, cleaning and making sure i didn't lose my mind. needless to say, my husband wanted the opportunity to take care of me- and since moms just know how to do it, he lovingly stepped aside.

last night he brought me my favorite greek salad, poured me a glass of wine and pretended to love getting into bed at 6. our wifi is useless in our adult sanctuary now, ahem... so we couldn't even get a movie on. being the good sport he is though, he rubbed my leg, made me laugh and laid with me until i fell hard asleep. this probably took about five minutes. back to the dream part.

with my dose of medication chopped in half and part of my foot chopped completely off, it only took a couple hours for the pain to set in. this was pleasantly accompanied by some of the most vivid and scary dreams i have had in a long time. i won't go into detail, but just know that in the dream i was being injured and unable to get up too. i finally broke out of my sleep in a cold sweat yelling for my life. i immediately turned to justin to have him turn the light on for me. no justin.

this time i yelled "babe!" repeatedly and rang my bell that was bestowed upon me, frantically. nothing.

by the time i could get myself up, get my crutches and my bearings- i was pissy. there's not much worse than a pissed off wife with crutches coming at you in the middle of the night. i can only imagine. i got all the way out to our living room (which is a trek) to see him dead asleep with a bad romcom running on the chromecast. it wasn't a pretty wake up for him.

we got back to bed, with me rehashing the importance of him being within audible range of me during this time.. and i fell back to slumber.

and so comes the sun. rough night of sleep for us both. i'm sure as much as he didn't want to leave me home alone all day, work is a welcome respite. he asked if i'd like coffee and got up to begin our morning for us. i hear the grinder, smell the fresh brew and lay there contemplating how many laps around the house i may do today- then i hear the garage door open. someone forgot that he set the alarm. i know i have 60 seconds before the police get notified, but after about 10 seconds i realize he has no idea... so there i am scrambling for crutches, naked, to get up and hobble quickly to the alarm keypad (also a trek). NO MAN wants to see his angry wife on crutches, coming after him, not once- but twice. poor guy.

my day turned a corner when i was able to shower all by myself (much to his dismay) and get myself out to the living room to watch back to back episodes of parenthood.

all good.
xo

a new dress for Monday

saw dr. c today and had all my bandages changed. car rides are rough to say the least. i am a nervous passenger anyhow(control issues), but when you add the need to elevate and a shortage of pain meds to that, it's not pretty. for someone who has fairly high pain tolerance, this has put me just over the edge. it's not a sharp and cutting pain, but rather a nagging, swollen, down to the bone pain. i thought the dosage of pain medication i was given was ludicrous, until i reached the bottom of the bottle. i have had to stay one step ahead, even with one foot. once the hurt comes, it takes it a long time to find the door.

i am never the one to stare at a crash, for fear of what i may see. i pass out when i have to get blood drawn, like... drop cold to the floor, needs smelling salts pass out. i have a hard time seeing any injuries or gashes, whether on my kids or myself. i have never broken a bone or had a major surgery before, so this is all very new and uncomfortable to me. i definitely did not want to look at my foot. my plan was to get through this whole procedure and once healed, then i could take a look at the process. today though, unlike anything i had imagined, i really wanted to see my foot.

and truth be told, my toes look like sausages and my foot is pink and swollen- but it looks better than my right one! i have never seen a better looking x-ray. i chose my doctor from a very good recommendation, and i could not be more pleased. he is a surgical ninja. although i have a ways ahead of me before we do number 2, i know for sure that i want a matching pair.

xo

try to relax

i could easily jump out of my skin. exercise is out of the question, as well as cleaning, cooking and anything else requiring two legs. this is when it's best to give into the bell. this is a relaxation test and i am going to pass!