i got my hands back!

yesterday was a low point for me. i suppose one of the steps of recovery is regret, and i felt a bit regretful about this surgery yesterday. i have done all i can to keep my spirits up and look at the bright side, making sure i stay on the up and up. a girl needs a day though. as it turns, the ups man brought my hands free crutch. of course it showed up in a box that had multiple bags and potentially could require a tool box and a clearer head. luckily, it was no tools required and it assembled quite easily. i had some trouble with getting the straps just right- but once it was adjusted properly, i could get it on without too much hassle.

once it was strapped on, there was a bit of a learning curve. i used the walls to make sure i didn't fall. essentially the weight is all on my left (surgery) knee and shin and my foot is tucked behind me. being able to use both hands was such a liberating feeling. not to mention how much more comfortable it is. i'm not signing up for a half marathon anytime soon, but the hands free crutch allows me to cook, talk on the phone, do laundry, and just wander aimlessly around the house if i feel like it. it's genius. i used it most of the day today and imagine that by monday i will be cruising out in public with it. grocery shopping for the week on monday is now possible.

my pain meds are at a premium right now, as i am down to the last few. i know i want a couple for monday before i get stitches out. by looking at the size of my incision, i'm guessing that it's not going to be a fabulous experience. as much as taking the medication has it's downside...  i am not sure if there's going to be a refill at the end of that rainbow either. thank stars for advil. my husband was the first person to inform me about advil's incredible anti-inflammatory benefits. i had no idea, as i have never been injured or gone through surgery. i have learned that advil is quite magic. in cooperation with my pain medication, it has totally kept my foot from feeling as swollen and prevented a lot of the throbbing sensation, that is ultimately one of the most uncomfortable side effects of my recovery. i know there's a grip of reasons why advil may not be good for me, but i don't want to know.

it's a wild saturday night here. i took a nice shower with all my favorite lush products, we ordered greek takeout, and a good phillip seymour hoffman movie in the cue (RIP xo).

happy weekend.
xo

ding dong

there's nothing quite like hearing the doorbell ring, a package hit the mat and the ups man's footsteps... and NOT getting up to get the delivery. i am having a hard time coming to terms with only being able to use one foot, makes me feel so fortunate to have the use of my feet at all. this is no pity party, but i am really tired of yoga pants, the pulled muscle in my stomach from crutches, peeing in the middle of the night, night lights, sleeping with a wedge, this stupid boot, dry shampoo, face cleansing wipes, and the gorgeous view out my bedroom window. thankfully i was smart enough to blow the next egg on a killer new mattress pad, sheets and down comforter, or i would be in a world of hurt.

i have turned our bedroom into my home. i occasionally voyage out to the kitchen, but there's no food. i really want an egg right now, but the thought of hopping around and poaching eggs right now gives me a tick. i have put everything and anything i may need next to me, or very close by. if there's one thing i was not prepared for- it was how boring this would be and how i should have stocked the fridge with easy and healthy things to grab. as of now, our refrigerator is a sea of leftover takeout packages, thousands of salad dressings and an old bottle of bloody mary mix. even a bloody mary sounds awful. what a sad day. i would kill someone for a starbucks iced via.

luckily i get a visitor today. even if it's for an hour, she can laugh at me while i try my first few steps on my hands free crutch, and hopefully grab me a salad on her way over.

i am almost completely off my pain meds. I take only 20-30 mg a day, as opposed to almost 100mg a day in the beginning. i passed the one week mark from my surgery, and pain is pretty tolerable. I notice the pain if i am on my crutches too much, just because the swelling begins almost instantly. overall my foot feels fat and throbs near my incision. i can wiggle my other toes, and last night i moved my big toe on my own. my boot has stayed on the entire time though, i only unstrap the top to scratch and massage my leg... which is amazing.

i have been reading tons of different articles about bunionectomy recovery, and how long i will be in this boot. since my surgery was one of the most severe surgeries you can have for a bunionectomy, i won't be flossing in my tory burch wedges any time soon. the search for comfort shoes on zappos is depressing, and i will most likely be sporting cute running shoes with just about every outfit this season. fortunately i have sprinkled in plenty of floor exercise reading, beauty product reviews and health tips to feel like i could come out of this recovery and still have my wits about me.

photos and reviews of the first day on my hands free crutch to come.
xo

too bored to nap

i got a taste of the outside world last night, and it was sweet. since i had been cooped up a full six days, the guy and i got frisky. we began by a trip to the store to purchase the ingredients necessary for his amazing "skinny" (code word for more booze, less mix) margarita that i was craving and then over to the habit to pick up dinner. i even got out of the car and went into the habit- figured i better brush up on being in public. let's start with the habit. i love this place. my infatuation with the habit began years ago during college in santa barbara. this was before it had made it as far as san diego. even though i have only eaten three things off their menu after hundreds of visits, i can say that their veggie burger with swiss, avo and grilled onions is one of the best meals on the planet. it's simply amazing. whole wheat bun, good veggie patty (i love cow, so don't be confused), fresh romaine, tomato, sliced cucumber, creamy avo, salty grilled onions, cheese and some sinful sauce they put on it. i may as well have been eating out of a trough last night. so much for manners, i think my burger was done before my husband even unwrapped his food. classy. this was quite possibly the best meal i could have had on my first night out of the crib.

we followed the night with skinnies and a fire...  and potentially some percocet withdrawal sobbing and confusion, but then again- i am in recovery.

following my big night out, my foot hurts- but it's very tolerable. my boredom though, has totally set in. i don't remember the last time i was ever bored. it's not a word that has come up in my vocabulary in 10+ years. it's an oddly uncomfortable feeling to lay around. in attempt to keep myself from online shopping and having every tab on my computer open to beauty product retailers and clothing, i have been reading, writing, doing floor exercises (boot serves as a great ankle weight), etc.. bottom line is that it sucks not getting around. even with crutches, i cannot carry anything unless it's in my bag and i can't cook, clean, or get much done.

i originally thought i would rent a knee scooter. until i started looking at all the ads for them. let's just say that they are targeting a specific audience, usually female and usually with too many cats. the knee scooter just seems like giving up the fight all together and surrendering to my immobility. as awkward as crutches are, at least i am doing something to get around. i have issues with using something in the house that has a hand brake too. my kids may take advantage of that.

my search led me to the hands free crutch. surely, no contraption i end up with is going to look good. but if i can have the use of both hands and be standing upright- it's a win win. i placed my amazon prime order and that baby should be on my doorstep by friday. from the reviews, it looks like it may have a learning curve... so i will be sure to share my experience.

tonight may prove to be another riotous night out for us. more to come...

you may say i am a dreamer...

anyone who knows me well, knows that i have always been a vivid dreamer. my dreams have continued to become more realistic and more often as i have grown older. for the man i share a bed with, this can be entertaining, scary and adventurous... all in one night. i notice that food, drink, medication and any life change can drastically alter the frequency and intensity of my dreams. yesterday my doctor cut my percocet dose in half. although i feel much better because of it, the change was enough to really affect my sleep pattern, just as my knight in shining armor was saddling up for the battle.

my mom brought me home from the doctor around 3 and got me all situated before she had to get back to her life. damn her. she has helped us since the day before surgery, cooking, cleaning and making sure i didn't lose my mind. needless to say, my husband wanted the opportunity to take care of me- and since moms just know how to do it, he lovingly stepped aside.

last night he brought me my favorite greek salad, poured me a glass of wine and pretended to love getting into bed at 6. our wifi is useless in our adult sanctuary now, ahem... so we couldn't even get a movie on. being the good sport he is though, he rubbed my leg, made me laugh and laid with me until i fell hard asleep. this probably took about five minutes. back to the dream part.

with my dose of medication chopped in half and part of my foot chopped completely off, it only took a couple hours for the pain to set in. this was pleasantly accompanied by some of the most vivid and scary dreams i have had in a long time. i won't go into detail, but just know that in the dream i was being injured and unable to get up too. i finally broke out of my sleep in a cold sweat yelling for my life. i immediately turned to justin to have him turn the light on for me. no justin.

this time i yelled "babe!" repeatedly and rang my bell that was bestowed upon me, frantically. nothing.

by the time i could get myself up, get my crutches and my bearings- i was pissy. there's not much worse than a pissed off wife with crutches coming at you in the middle of the night. i can only imagine. i got all the way out to our living room (which is a trek) to see him dead asleep with a bad romcom running on the chromecast. it wasn't a pretty wake up for him.

we got back to bed, with me rehashing the importance of him being within audible range of me during this time.. and i fell back to slumber.

and so comes the sun. rough night of sleep for us both. i'm sure as much as he didn't want to leave me home alone all day, work is a welcome respite. he asked if i'd like coffee and got up to begin our morning for us. i hear the grinder, smell the fresh brew and lay there contemplating how many laps around the house i may do today- then i hear the garage door open. someone forgot that he set the alarm. i know i have 60 seconds before the police get notified, but after about 10 seconds i realize he has no idea... so there i am scrambling for crutches, naked, to get up and hobble quickly to the alarm keypad (also a trek). NO MAN wants to see his angry wife on crutches, coming after him, not once- but twice. poor guy.

my day turned a corner when i was able to shower all by myself (much to his dismay) and get myself out to the living room to watch back to back episodes of parenthood.

all good.
xo

a new dress for Monday

saw dr. c today and had all my bandages changed. car rides are rough to say the least. i am a nervous passenger anyhow(control issues), but when you add the need to elevate and a shortage of pain meds to that, it's not pretty. for someone who has fairly high pain tolerance, this has put me just over the edge. it's not a sharp and cutting pain, but rather a nagging, swollen, down to the bone pain. i thought the dosage of pain medication i was given was ludicrous, until i reached the bottom of the bottle. i have had to stay one step ahead, even with one foot. once the hurt comes, it takes it a long time to find the door.

i am never the one to stare at a crash, for fear of what i may see. i pass out when i have to get blood drawn, like... drop cold to the floor, needs smelling salts pass out. i have a hard time seeing any injuries or gashes, whether on my kids or myself. i have never broken a bone or had a major surgery before, so this is all very new and uncomfortable to me. i definitely did not want to look at my foot. my plan was to get through this whole procedure and once healed, then i could take a look at the process. today though, unlike anything i had imagined, i really wanted to see my foot.

and truth be told, my toes look like sausages and my foot is pink and swollen- but it looks better than my right one! i have never seen a better looking x-ray. i chose my doctor from a very good recommendation, and i could not be more pleased. he is a surgical ninja. although i have a ways ahead of me before we do number 2, i know for sure that i want a matching pair.

xo

try to relax

i could easily jump out of my skin. exercise is out of the question, as well as cleaning, cooking and anything else requiring two legs. this is when it's best to give into the bell. this is a relaxation test and i am going to pass!

sunday funday...

day 3 after surgery brings the harsh reality of boredom. never thought i would be gazing out our windows and thinking that helping with yard work may be fun. my block has worn off and i am painfully aware of my left foot. superbowl sunday brings a betting pool between my mom and justin and i. i also just found out that phillip seymour hoffman was found dead with a needle in his arm this morning, so there's that. shart will always be one of my favorite words.

i had a successful shower yesterday. being clean and dressed comfortably has been a highlight. we wrapped my leg up in a trash bag and taped it with packing tape really well. it is hard to stand for long periods of time, so i recruited the hands of my husband for efficiency. he didn't mind. crutches are a pain in my ass. i have adopted the one crutch giddy up. i basically use one crutch on my left side and hop. it's a bit easier than trying to get around the house with both.

today i put on some flare fitted yoga pants and a comfy cotton long sleeve, both from hard tail. even though i don't do much besides watch the waste management tour and ring my bell for beverages, my clothing comfort makes a huge difference in my attitude. it's easy to fall into the daily jammies routine after a surgery- not cute.

tomorrow is my post op and hopefully a med refill. the percocet has saved my life. even though i feel slightly out of it, i can not imagine how my pain level would be otherwise. i'm looking forward to a dressing change and hearing what my doctor has to say about how things are shaping up down there. i won't be able to look myself, as i would pass out cold... but i'm excited to hear about it.

more later.
xo